Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
