What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
