doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
