i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
