Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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