I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
