Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
