Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize