Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
