I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
