Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
