You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
