1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
