Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
