you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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