My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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