I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
