right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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