my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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