I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
