Fine. I'll sleep in my office
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
