there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
