Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
