I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
