you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
