i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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