I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
