I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
