Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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