Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
