What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When are your genitals available?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
