Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
