I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
