Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who died my cat blue again?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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