I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
