I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
