Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
