Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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