i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
