also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
