you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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