omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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