theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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