Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
