Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
