i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
