Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
