she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
