I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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