arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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