Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
