i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
