the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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