Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
