um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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