I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
