Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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