The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We are two peas in an std pod
Are my feet made of real feet?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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