You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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