He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
