I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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