I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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