i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
